When my parents died in 2013 and 2015, I realized that I had been wasting a lot of my life at work and drinking at bars. After two failed marriages, I spent my mid-thirties to mid-forties at bars a lot. Drinking was my coping mechanism, a way to get out of the house and be social, forget that I was actually unhappy. I went to the bars 3-6 nights a week, smoking cigarettes and drinking alcohol, bonding with various people (some acquaintances, some friends), many of which were lonely people like myself that were escaping their lives as well. I easily had 5+ drinks/shots each time I went out! It didn’t help that I decided to build a side business in music, booking shows at venues with alcohol. The benefits of doing business in that environment meant lots of free drinks, either the venue hooking me up or people buying them for me. One venue even let me drink free every time I went there, even when I didn’t have a show, and I took advantage of that. I still have a receipt from them that shows my whole tab for the year and then that amount “written off” to a zero balance — I’m pretty sure it was close to $3K! It’s not easy to admit to all this, it is definitely something that I justified to myself thinking I didn’t have a problem. Looking back, I know that this behavior led to many bad decisions, as well as weight gain. Between drinking at bars and shows, going to my day job in hi-tech (often hung over), and sitting on my couch watching tv, I didn’t really do much else. I led a sedentary life. To think that I could have explored all the beautiful areas around me and throughout California during those years is disappointing!
Losing my parents changed me, A LOT! I realized that life was short — I became very aware of our mortality and that one could easily die at any moment. I couldn’t keep going down the same path of destruction. It still took me a few years to fully get out of that cycle, but one thing that changed pretty quick in late 2013 was the amount of time I spent at bars drinking. I stopped being a “bar rat” and going out drinking in excess. That doesn’t mean I stopped drinking, but it was easily reduced by half. Instead of bars, I hosted people at my house, but not nearly as often as I was going to bars. I still sat around and watched tv a lot though, still not going out to explore and enjoy the surrounding nature areas. Then in 2016, I discovered vanlife through a guy I was dating that year. It changed my life forever!
When I first met Jesse and he told me he lived in his van, I thought something was wrong with him — who would want to live in a van intentionally?!? He explained to me that he didn’t want to pay the exorbitant monthly rent in the Bay Area and that by living in the van, he saved 80% of his paycheck, which he put into his retirement savings. He also showed me how the transient lifestyle meant seeing all the beautiful areas around, spending the night by the ocean or in the forest, taking trips on the weekend to some place new. I realized at that moment that there were so many wonderful areas within an hour or two of where I lived that I never visited in the 25+ years I lived there! He also took me to Oregon and Washington on a week long road trip, which really opened my eyes as I had never explored these two beautiful neighboring states.
Even though Jesse and I didn’t work out as a couple, he left an impact on my life. In our 8 months together, I learned a lot from him — how to find overnight spots, what apps/websites to use, what to do and not do, and other valuable tips. Jesse also encouraged me to travel solo since I was convinced that traveling with a partner or friend was the only way I could travel. I knew that I wanted to continue this lifestyle, so I started researching vans and RV’s to see what I could afford. About a month and a half after our breakup, I bought myself a 20 ft. Thor Majestic 19G Mini-Class C RV for $25K. I started exploring California and learned that traveling by myself with my cat Maverick was actually quite fun.
Being that I’m super social, I set up my road trips with stops where I could visit various friends along the way, plus I went to a lot of local meetups with vanlife enthusiasts and nomads to make friends and learn from them. I also learned about bigger vanlife gatherings in Oregon and Southern California, which I started to attend to meet like-minded individuals and fully immerse myself in this wonderful community. My first Descend on Bend in 2018 was so impactful, spending three days in the Oregon high desert with 1000 other part-time and full-time vandwellers, enjoying food, drinks, activities, music, and bonfires together! Then in January 2019, I went to San Diego to a monthly meetup on Fiesta Island, where I met the ladies that started the Sēkr app and continued to grow my vanlife connections. Some of the people I met at these events have become close friends and some of the nicest people I have met in my life!
In 2019, I decided to sell my RV as I didn’t really love driving it. The over-cab bed was small and bit claustrophobic, the vehicle wasn’t very aerodynamic and shook a lot while driving, and the gas mileage was terrible at around 10 mpg. Seeing so many great custom build vans at all the events I went to and hearing how much easier they were to drive, I decided that I wanted a van of my own, especially knowing what I needed and didn’t need in the small space from the RV. I researched the various types of vans, as well as all the van builders I could find on the West Coast, and after 6 months of manifesting the van of my dreams, I found a 2019 Mercedes Benz Sprinter cargo van with all specs I wanted and had it custom built out in late 2019/early 2020. That van was ready for pick up in early April 2020, right after COVID-19 hit. I encourage you to read my van build story for more details on that!
In the last 6.5 years, I have traveled over 40K miles solo with my cat Maverick. I’ve been to 7 states, mostly on the West Coast, and continue to attend as many vanlife gatherings as I can. I love the freedom of traveling in my home-on-wheels, being able to spend the night in beautiful places, and exploring nature! Instead of sitting at home watching tv or going to a bar drinking, I drive to new places, learn about the history, and walk around to see as much as possible. I hike trails to waterfails, through old growth forests, and along oceanside cliffs, I take dips in watering holes, hot springs, and rivers, and I swim in lakes, bays, and ocean waters. I enjoy parks, beaches, museums, and local restaurants and shops. I meet people everywhere I go and have wonderful conversations with them. I feel like I’ve learned so much, met so many interesting humans, and overall I’m leading a much healthier lifestyle. What a difference a decade can make once you make better choices of how to spend your time! I have a lot of fond memories of my bar days — I’ve hosted and managed some talented bands/artists and made some great friends in the process — but I don’t miss the excessive drinking and side effects of that lifestyle. I don’t believe in having regrets since all the decisions in my life have shaped the person I am today (whom I’m very happy with), but I can tell you that the quality of life I have now is dramatically better, and sometimes I wish I had discovered it sooner. I know my parents in heaven approve of the changes I made and they walk with me every day, with every step, in this amazing life I have!